Geoff Wellsteed is in Australia for the Ashes and sends his reflections on the second Test at Brisbane.
As certain as the Nunc Dimittis always follows the Magnificat it was a sure-fire thing that England would lose wickets early on Day 1 to Mitchell Starc. And so it proved – England were two wickets down after 2.3 overs! Duckett and Pope both back in the hutch with blobs against their respective names. Later Jamie Smith and Brydon Carse also suffered the same fate, and had that annoying little yellow duck running across the TV screen.
Joe Root, chest puffed out, was magnificent and recorded his long-awaited maiden hundred down-under (138 not out). Crawley, reeled off a string of exquisite shots, but he plays so loosely he never gives the impression of longevity at the crease. Gone at 76 when a big hundred was required. He was bowled by, surprise inclusion, Michael Neser who bowls, like Boland, medium-fast, length and line. You miss, l hit. It was a case of a Tonbridgian, dismissed by a guy with a second forename of Gertges, once of Todmorden and born in the Transvaal.
Disgracefully, Brook and Smith gave their wickets away with poor shots. Archer, sporting a heavy gold chain round his neck, which glinted under the floodlights, saved the day with some belligerent hitting but was 325-9 enough on a blameless surface? At least it gave the Barmies something to be buoyant about in the very few pubs which remain open here after 9.30pm.
Day 2 was a complete and utter shambles. Poor leadership from Stokes, persistent short bowling, weird field placings and schoolboy fielding errors. Dreadful is a fair descriptor. Every one of the Aussies reached double figures and had secured an overnight lead of 44 with four wickets still in hand. England are staring defeat in the face.
If Day 2 was hapless then Day 3 was even worse. Australia, (who, by the way, never miss an opportunity to taunt the Brits and greeted them at Brisbane air terminal with a huge illuminated sign displaying the message, Convicts 1 Poms 0), extended their innings to an all-out total of 511. By the close England were shamefully 134-6 in thirty-odd overs.
The Gabba(toir) is located on Vulture Street and like raptors the Aussies ripped England apart. The tourists embarrassingly surrendered like a family of small garden birds (of which great, blue and long-tailed are varieties).
On Day 4 Stokes and Jacks showed that a modification of Bazball is an option and both batted sensibly through a session and a half and added 96 to the score at barely three an over, but once they had both been dismissed at 224 and 227 the last four reverted to Bazball tactics and added a mere 14 runs. The hosts wasted no time in scoring the 69 runs needed for victory in ten overs.
Twenty thousand Aussies turned up the volume and loved the humiliation of the old enemy. The Barmy Army, ever faithful and always amusing, retaliated with an adaption of the National Anthem singing…..’long to reign over YOU’!! But not as things stand on the cricket field.
Starc, married to Alyssa Healy, was the Man of the Match with 8 wickets and 77 runs. It occurs to me they may be the first heterosexual married couple to play Test cricket since Roger and Ruth Prideaux? Must check that.
Next stop Adelaide.